Today’s post is to fill in from March 28th to April 22nd. And with that, Big Fudge is back.
It’s been one hell of an adventure lasting for a month. 744 hours of ups and downs. 44640 minutes of spiritual warfare. It was a loooooong fast from media.
So how do you collate one month’s worth of smiles and frowns? Well, I have a system. Not a fullproof amazing idea, but a good one. To make it tidy at least.
A summary of why this – hiatus.
Who. What. When. Where.
In the days before the 28th, God, as always, have been faithful and amazing in my walk with Him. Every little blessing, is a blessing that He gave me. Yet, what can I give back.
Oh, you know when you hit that point where giving praises and going to church is just not enough? Yea, I’m right there, at that junction, not knowing where to go with this.
So I thought about it. For quite some time. And on the 1st of April, I decided to go with “Time”.
Of course, in this 26 days, I did take down how I would write my daily posts. The reason for this abrupt stop is because it also contributes to tackle my complacency issue. I know that if I drag this out, it would have never happened.
The following part of today’s post would be the highlights, concerns, best times, lowest times of this one month of really, giving myself and my time to God.
If any of you were to fall asleep, know that God is watching. ALRIGHT, LET’S GET STARTED.
Ups. Downs. Rights and Wrongs.
Now if you have been through… how do I put this, sabbatical or haitus to whatever phase you are in life, you would know transitions are the toughest part.
Be it should you proceed with new changes or making adjustments to your old ways, it’s tough. There’s a lot of dilemma going on.
In this one month, there were weeks of fasting. Food, media, drinks, Dota.
In this one month, there were hours of praying, reading, quiet time.
In this one month, there were also frequencies of ignorance, tiredness and just plain tired of this fasting season.
Indeed, there were many occassions where I gave up. Played a game or two of Dota, had supper. I was so stressed by this, I even went to buy a Vanilla Coke. Goodness gracious. That tasted fantastic.
For those that do not know me, I don’t drink Coke. 2017 July was supposedly my 4th year not consuming any Coke.
“But what about Pepsi?” That too. It just seems more easier to say Coke.
Like all fasting season, the beginning is kinda easy. There’s a lot of motivation, encouragement and passion. When you reach the mid-term of your fast, you start dragging your feet, just praying that you can make it alive to the end of the fast.
In this particular month, I fell ill so many times. It’s not because of the Coke. The Coke was great in fact.
Fever and flu mainly. I was burnt out almost every night. Just what went wrong?
By the time it hits mid-term of the fast, I’m skipping devotions, 3×3 prayer timings and even dinners. I know. It was that bad.
I was making myself busier than ever. A lot more worn out. A lot more complacent.
Why is that so?
Lessons. Successions. Highlights.
Every fall comes from a height. The bigger the fall, the harder the lesson learnt.
26 days of ups and downs have taught me much. About me, about God. Well, mostly how God is showing me what I have done wrong and what I could have done better in that time.
In case you have the memory of a goldfish, let’s take a walk down memory lane to see what were the ups and downs of the fasting phase.
I got stressed out. Burnt out. Laid out. Tired out. Now were there no good things that rippled out of the 26 days? Of course, my dear.
Days at work were getting more and more productive. Received positive feedbacks and suggestions on how I should improve myself at work.
Time with the Lord are knitted. Not all the time, but I know He’s still with me all the time.
Bonded and caught up with friends and cell brothers. These are really precious time which I treasure so much.
So… what caused those ‘barriers’ between God and me?
Was it because of time management?
Not really an issue because I do keep track of my schedules and upcoming events in reminders. (Even though I arrive late most of the time.)
Was it because I had too many things in hand that I neglected my time with Him?
Nah, I do keep strict timing to when are my quiet time and devotion time.
I kept looking around for answers and I realised something. I was searching for answers through wordly thinking process. It’s superficial. And God says, pray.
I did, and what He revealed was a tiny shock to me because I did not even realised it. It turns out, I got bored. I got tired of the every day routine of going to work, fast during lunch, head back home feeling so famished and drag my night out till its time to pray.
A dead cycle. I guess, I forgot entirely to pray for miracles, something fun to happen in the day where God would come in. He reminded me that I used to make prayers to challenge myself; a problem a day, a prayer to make a way.
I would often look out for challenges in my day and when it surfaces, I know God is testing me, and I for sure know that, with a prayer, that problem will be gone.
I stopped. Completely.
And I didn’t even noticed it.
Throughout the 26 days, lessons were taught by God, through ways that were so subliminal. Took me awhile to get it and understood what God was trying to teach.
That was one of the many highlights of my fasting phase. I would love to take this opportunity to thank God for the many beautiful and abundant blessings that He have gracious gifted me during this period.
Sportify – IC
As much as it was a wonderful event, being the IC for basketball was a complete honor. Although there were some issues, it’s certainly by God’s grace basketball turned out so well. Praise God for that!
Sportify – Emcee
It’s the first time I am going to emcee with my cell leader and it’s a huge priviledge to do so. His charisma and ability to engage the crowd is just something that I can learn from. A really fun experience, 10/10 would love to do it again with him! Thank God for this amazing opportunity!
Meetings – with Pastor Julie
Always looking forward to devotion time at work or meeting with Pastor Julie and the staff. It’s a time where the staff knows more about each others’ lives and catch up to pray for one another. I think being mentored by Pastor Julie on/off from work is just, wow. She’s so “Christ-like” and has this glow, on how she relies on the Lord with her work and walk. Truly amazing whenever there’s a meeting and seeing how she handles things. Really, can’t thank God enough for this divine setup to work at TDS.
Meetings – Empowered 21
It’s an adventure every meeting. You would think every meeting would be boring talking about the same o’ stuff and planning phases are boring. Wrong. These girls are just next level, professional but also fun to hang out with. It’s a truly real real honor to be part of the social media team for E21 and I cannot express how great an opportunity God has blessed me with to work with such talented and creative people!
God said, ‘Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.’
Vision. Hope. Promises.
To the curious minds, why the fast in the first place? Or, what is fasting?
Most of the time, we fast before we make important decisions. If I’m not mistaken, I think you can find out more examples in the book of Acts.
But fasting and prayer are often linked together. Too often, the focus of fasting is on food. On the contrary, the purpose of fasting should be to take your eyes off the things of this world to focus completely on God.
Fasting is a great way to demonstrate to God, and to ourselves, that we are serious about our relationship with Him. Fasting helps us gain a new perspective and a renewed reliance upon God.
And it boils down to this. The vision the Lord has placed upon me in 2017.
2016 November, was the very moment I challenged God that (not a wise thing to do, try not to follow unless you’re desperate), I’m going to obey. Completely. But I want to be used. I am not going to be some mindless sheep that blindly follow. I want to be used. Greatly.
Since then, so many divine and great opportunities that I am clearly not worthy of, have been given to me. Indeed, I have learned to serve those ministries and places with the mindset of gratefulness and humility. Praise God for that.
All these, back to back serving the teens, the pastors, God’s people is a big preparation. I have to admit, some of these preparations, I have failed. There are times I got prideful, there are times I lost focus on giving thanks to God. But the goodness of God never waivered, He reminded me gently, time after time to look upon Him.
You see, this is the thing about humans. We always get so way ahead of ourselves after we receive all the blessings from God. Stupid isn’t it? When in fact, we are supposed to recognise even more that, only God can bless us, and not make us feel superior when we receive those blessings.
Despite all the shannigans and issues I have, God always reminded me the vision. The promise He had for me. And it gave me a hope. Burning passion to serve.
Even though the efforts may not be appreciated or recognised. Even though I may burn out from serving. Even though it hits me hard financially. Ultimately, it’s a priviledge to serve, not an entitlement.
With God’s gentle and timely reminders, this fasting has proved to be more than just time with Him. But to reveal things deep within myself that I don’t even know. I guess God wants me to be more vigilant as well in my walk. Like He revealed, I don’t even know I got bored of my walk. It’s so dangerous to not even notice it and it just becomes a norm after some time.
But with God, everything, every day can be a miracle. Only through Him, He can make things happen. He never fails. Amen?
In preparation, I think can proudly say that this end of the year, God is going to prepare something big for my walk. I still have a good half year to get myself ready for it.
You know what’s the craziest thing so far? Even with this shuffle of my cell, it’s all part of what God has envisioned for me in the later half of the year. Wow.
This one month has been a great adventure. God has revealed much, taught me much, and taken back much – Now that is another story I’ll tell you guys the next time.
Sometimes, God has to really hit where it hurts most in you to bring out the strongest in you. And we all know, that no matter how strong we are, we still have to find strength in God. But how many of us will actually remember to do that?
I’m not perfect, there are so many times I relied on myself rather than Him. And God is helping me to change that.
I may not know how your walk is, or how close you are with God. But as what this blog is about, I do hope that from my experience, you can learn something from it.
If you got bored, especially subconsciously, with your walk, do find something that reignite that flame again. Pray, it works. God will speak to you.
For you, that angel who lost its way and God directed you here, I would like to encourage and bless you with this verse;
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9
Page 114 of 365.
Thankful for the little things in life. I’m happy that people are rushing furiously into the trains to board and not buses. It’s just terrifying to see a group of people bashing their way through into buses.
That reminds me – remember how the old SBS buses were like Blastoise on roids when they’re out in the rain? The moment it a halt, both sides of the bus just cannons out water and the elderly were scrambling to get as far away as they could from the water spouts.
Today was a pretty occupied day for me. There weren’t many breaks in-between but I didn’t feel exhausted, which was pretty good. Perhaps it’s Saturday, that’s why.
There were 3 back to back meetings today at Suntec. TX “Announcement” meeting at 1:15pm, TX Programme meeting at 2pm, Sportify ICs meeting at 3pm.
I woke up at 11:15am. Rushed down to delivery some art work and had my hair cut. Yeap, I was late. (No surprise right? I know.)
But I do thank God that when I arrived, important things were discussed. And many of which really did align our hearts back on what we needed to be doing for TX. Basically, the meetings went good.
Even though my comms didn’t turn up, the rest of the meeting went good. A little break for me to write today’s post (which I am doing as of now at 6:03PM), there will be another meeting with Wilfred during worship.
Seeing the half-eaten leftover slice of Carrot cake beside my Macbook, this reminds me:
Happy Birthday Mr Seow! You’ve been an amazing role model and friend to all of us! Thank God for placing you in the midst of our lives and we couldn’t ask for more! Maybe treat us drinks sometime, but yea, couldn’t ask for other things!
Deputy SP Daniel preached about leading. Strong message and reminder as to what a leader should do, should demonstrate and should be.
Just as God has planned, this was a great checkpoint to reflect upon myself before moving on to the later half of the year. Thank you God!
As usual, it’s supper time with my favourite people. And today, we celebrate the LKM’s belated birthday! A lot of fun things that we planned initally did not quite panned out but it was a really great time spend with them.
We are literally watching one another grow old. That’s sad.
Still, thank God for you LKM! You’re an amazing and cheerful woman of God and the time and effort you put in serving, you know God will never shortchange you! Happy belated birthday! May the Lord bless you abundantly this year! 🙂
For the rest of us who aren’t celebrating our birthdays or watching people grow old, I do want to bless you guys, that the Lord will bring you joy and blessings this year as you continue to obey and walk in the ways of the Lord!
Of course, Ariel is back and he’s bringing back the flip. 🙂
So stay cute, stay good everyone! ❤